Isabella Bousaid: https://isabellabousaid.wordpress.com/2020/03/10/blog-1/
Hey Bella,
I really love this blog entry! As I was reading, it painted a perfect narrative in my head. I love how it felt like I was following your mind along in the writing process, it’s evident that you feel pretty passionate about what you are writing about. I particularly loved the first lines “Autumn approaching, petals wilting, my heart is in pieces”. For me, this drew me straight into your emotions. I love how you correlated your emotions directly to the season, it painted a clear picture, setting me up for the rest of the poem and reeling me in. I think you have clearly shown us how nature taught you to love your surroundings, I respect that a lot! I also really enjoyed your use of full stops and short sharp sentences, it gave your poem true emotive flare. I feel that to strengthen your poem, I would have love to have to read more about the water itself to get a sense of truly being there with you in the moment. Although I know this is a free verse poem, perhaps definite stanzas would also strengthen the poem and give it some structure for different ideas. However, I also like how it is structured to be fast paced right now so just a suggestion! Keep up the good work!!
The Best of Literature 
Good to see you making suggestions for improvement Teneille! Great work…. but your grammar and general expression needs attention.
MG
*Please attend to editing your work carefully. Here is what I have picked up:
*I think you have clearly showed us how = I think you have clearly SHOWN us how
*I feel like to strengthen your poem, I would have love to of read more about the water itself = I feel THAT to strengthen your poem, I would have love to HAVE read more about the water itself …. [grammar]
*definitive stanzas= DEFINITE = check the difference in meaning between DEFINITE & DEFINITIVE….
*would also strengthen the poem and given it some structure= would also strengthen the poem and GIVE it some structure
LikeLiked by 1 person